Also, listening in its fullest sense, as you will see below, ultimately includes many non-verbal and non-audible factors, You might instead be listening to a musical performance, orĪn engine noise, or a crowded meeting, for the purpose of understanding and assessing what is actually happening or being said. Sometimes listening involves noticing a silence or a pause - nothing - 'dead air' as it's known in broadcasting. To will include other sounds or intonation or verbal/emotional noises. Bear in mind that listening is rarely confined merely to words. Below is an attempt to encompass and extend good current listening theory in an accessible and concise way. Various people have constructed listening models. Typically they are presented as levels of listening. Levels of listening - 'effective listening' He coined the expression: 'Seek first to understand, and then to be understood', which serves as a constant reminder for the need to listen to the other person before you can expect them to listen to you. Covey says rightly that when we are understood we feel affirmed and validated. This is ironinic since we all like to be listened to and understood. Mostly, people don't listen - they just take turns to speak - we all tend to be more interested in announcing our own views and experiences than really listening and understanding others. Listening does not come naturally to most people, so we need to work hard at it to stop ourselves 'jumping in' and giving our opinions. The most brilliant and effective speaker utlimately comes undone if he/she fails to listen properly. Of all the communications skills, listening is arguably the one which makes the biggest difference. The act of doing all this establishes trust. We must work with people collaboratively, to enable them to see what they want, and then help tem to see the ways achieve it. Is central to Sharon Drew Morgen's approach). It is difficult and rarely appropriate to try to persuade another person to do what we want instead we must understand what the other person wants, and then try help them to achieve it, which often includes helping them to see the way to do it (which Nudge theory - a powerful change-management concept which emerged in the 2000s - is similarly built on a solid ethical philosophy. Sharon Drew Morgen's Buying Facilitation concept is another signpost towards this more open, modern, collaborative approach (and it To understand the other person's point of view. Listening without judging.Ī useful focus to aim for when listening to another person is to try to understand how the other person feels, and to discover what they want to achieve.ĭr Stephen Covey (of ' The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People'® fame) is one of many modern advocates who urge us to strive deeply Which is another useful model for understanding more about empathy).Įstablishing trust is about listening and understanding - not necessarily agreeing (which is different) - to the other person. Creating trust and rapport helps us to have sensible 'adult' discussions (see Transational Analysis, Part of the 'empathy process' is establishing trust and rapport. Whether for selling, customer retention, handling complaints, diffusing conflict, empathy helps. Being able to 'step back', and achieve a detachmentįrom our own emotions, is essential for effective, constructive relationships. Most modern gurus in the areas of communications, management and self-development refer in one way or another to the importance of empathy - really understanding the pther person's position and feelings. This places extra pressure on the process of arriving at a deal,Īnd very special skills are now needed to manage the situations in which business is done. Trust and empathy are far more important in achieving and sustaining successfulĪ certain legacy of the days of the hard-sell is that many consumers and business people are more reluctant to expose themselves to situations where they may be asked to make a decision. One-sided persuasion is not sustainable and is often insulting, especially when handling complaints. empathy, trust, understanding and sympathetic communications do. The 'steps of the sale', persuasion, closing techniques, features and benefits do not build rapport or relationships These days we need to be more effective communicators to be successful in business - and in life. Empathy and trust are essential for handlingĬomplaints and retaining customers. Empathy and trust are essential to develop solutions, win and retain business, and avoiding or diffusing conflict. Empathy skills For relationships, communications, complaints, customer retention, conflict and levels of listening typesĮmpathy and trust are a platform for effective understanding, communication and relationships.
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